The phrase “Sisters Keeper” certainly doesn’t appear on the
pages of the Bible. But I guess you’ve got a knack of all it’s about. It
suggests being sincerely concerned for the state of being of female folks. In
this context, I write strictly to the church of the Living God. On second
thoughts this should have been titled, “Letter to insensitive brothers.” Let me
indulge you for few seconds. Why do Christian sisters fall victim to deceivers?
Why would they prefer to marry outside God’s fold? Why does it seem their heart
is with God’s family but their eyes are ever wondering into the world (as it
seems)? Why is there such an exploitation of your sister and my sister? Why?
Someone can readily conclude and simply reply, “Our sisters
are carnal and impatient.” Another person can easily chip in and say, “They are
not content.” In some cases both assumptions might be true. It might be a
reasonable explanation for some cases as it relates to individual differences
but it is not always true for all cases. There are (individual) needs among the
Church of the Living God which when unmet distort the pillar of fellowship with
one another. We just ‘Religiousalize’ these needs and think by some miracle
they would be met on their own. We really don’t consider these needs worth
mentioning in our “Holy” meetings.
As a counsellor I hear a lot of brothers express fear of
appreciating sisters, calling and texting them. The fear of fornication has led
to a total breakdown of the relationship brothers should have with their
sisters. You can imagine a brother who is so terrified to go visit his sister
alone. This neglect of one another has left certain needs unmet. What are these
needs?
People want to be loved, cherished, adored, needed, admired,
valued, have a sense of belonging, cared for, concerned about and affectionately
treasured. These are the most humane feeling we all share -either as males or
females. God is the one who created these needs in us so that we can delight
ourselves in the company of one another. If we were self-sufficient we wouldn’t
need anything/anyone outside of ourselves. Telling yourself how wonderful you
are and someone telling it to you is two different experience altogether. But the
Church pretends as though we have no such needs among us (particularly for our
sisters) because we are spiritual. No, we are not spiritual but religious. If
we were spiritual we would do what exactly the bible says we should do.
So let us then
definitely aim for and eagerly pursue what makes for harmony and for mutual
upbuilding (edification and development) of one another. Romans 14:19 AMPLIFIED
Therefore encourage (admonish, exhort) one another and edify
(strengthen and build up) one another, just as you are doing. 1 Thessalonians 5:11 AMPLIFIED
Let each of you esteem
(regard, reverence, respect, appreciate, admire, value, cherish) and look upon
and be concerned for not [merely] his own interests, but also each for the
interests of others. Philippians 2:4
AMPLIFIED
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| If the fear of sexual immorality had made talking about emotions a taboo, we are unqualified to teach the whole world about love. |
The scriptures above do not suggest that brothers should
only cherish brothers. No! But that we all should do these things to one
another. Don’t we need building up and development of our emotions and
affections? There is nothing of fear in this but of love, to fill the void and
vacuum in the lives of others (particularly the opposite sex). If brothers admiring,
valuing and appreciating a sister does not add something to her life, why would
it be a necessity in the Church? Why does the Holy Ghost through Paul call it
“Building Up”? Even though all of our sisters needs should fully be met in a
marriage relationship God takes his sons (brothers) through a process of mind
renewal and purification of emotions so they can actively stand in the capacity
of their future partners by meeting these emotional needs. Brothers who are unselfish,
truly loving, without ulterior motive and without fleshly expectations. If God
cannot trust us (brothers) to carefully teach His daughters what purity of
emotions and unfeigned love is all about, I think half of the gospel is lost. If God cannot entrust us with the responsibility of nurturing the emotions of His
daughters and to watch over them affectionately, the church has lost the revelation
of Agape. If the fear of sexual immorality had made talking about emotions a taboo, we are unqualified to teach the whole world about love.
Just because our sisters are not yet married does not
indicate the need to be loved, admired and valued are not there, they are. As a
Christian and a counsellor I have tested these spiritual principles on sisters
and find it to be true. I have taught other brothers these principles and they
have found the ease of reaching females with the gospel and yet fill a vacuum
through godly relationship. Prayer will not solve the problem a text message
would solve and vice versa. Certainly we should pray for each other but also we
are to use all God given resources including love and affection to build up one
another. Do you remember the first meeting of David and Abigail in 1 Samuel
chapter 25? You know lot of folks in their sensual state of mind think Abigail
was flirting with David. But the moral of that story is that compassion, care
and rightly spoken words can wrest the sword of violence from the hands of valiant
men. Abigail’s emotions ministered to David’s anger. How we need this kind of building
up of the emotions of one another.
And become useful and helpful and kind to one another,
tenderhearted (compassionate, understanding, loving-hearted), forgiving one
another [readily and freely], as God in Christ forgave you. Ephesians 4:32 AMPLIFIED
Sometimes ago I was having a discussion with a lady and
somehow I dabbled into talking about the female and males emotions. We were
together for most part of the night, away from our other friends. It was a dark
night with little or no stars but it was also a very cold night. She had so
many questions to ask about her feelings. What is naturally felt and what is
abnormal. I took the time to answer each of her questions. At the end of the
lengthy interaction she asked, “Where have you been all this while?” Then she
said, “Not that I am a bad girl but I was going to have sex with a guy tonight
because he was pestering me. But now that I know better, I had sent him a text that
I am no longer coming.” Guess what? Most of what I shared with that lady on
emotions was based upon the principles of scriptures.
But because we have become enslaved to the fear of seducing
our sisters and of fornication, our gatherings have been reduced to hyper-religious
activities of dancing, shouting, and praying. We go back home with the same
emotional baggage we came with to church. As it is now, we have Christians with
suppressed emotional feelings because talking about feelings is a taboo in
Church settings. Little wonder burning desire for evangelism died in the
absence of compassion. Compassion is a product of the feelings, it is the love
and kindness of God carried through human emotions by His Spirit. But because
of ignorance, fear has debarred us from God’s intended use of our emotions.
Therefore we have brothers who are emotionally dead, having suffered a deathly “Stroke”
in their feelings, incapable of sensing the feelings of others. As a result, Christian
marriages and relationships is one of the most challenging ones not because of
spiritual attacks but because we are emotionally deformed.
In their spiritual apathy they have become callous and past
feeling and reckless and have abandoned themselves [a prey] to unbridled
sensuality, eager and greedy to indulge in every form of impurity [that their
depraved desires may suggest and demand]. But you did not so learn Christ! Ephesians
4:19-20 AMPLIFIED
Contrary to what many believers think, it is our lack of
spirituality that has made us callous. It is the lack of ‘Feelings’ that made
us selfish and sensual, and not the presence of it. The bible affirms that we have not learned such insensitivity from Christ. Does it not shock you when
Christians think that only Songs of Solomon teaches us how to profess our
affections one to another? Placing affections strictly under the confines of
marriage because many people believe we cannot be trusted to use emotions and
affections correctly. As a relationship counsellor I am faced with such
mind-set periodically. A verse of Kirk Franklin’s song says, “It is His (God)
will that every need (emotional needs inclusive) be supplied, you are important
to me. I need you to survive.” How we desperately need to live the songs we
sing.
The present church setting made our sisters good at hiding
their scars and fears. They have also become open to all manner of allurement
because brothers have become too stiff and blind to see our sisters as God
designed them. We now need occasional scandals in the Church as reminders that
our sisters are still human. That, they still feel beneath their skin. That
means there are needs even for our tongue speaking sisters. Those guys in the
world, Mehn… They don’t even need to pray or hear God to know our sisters have
worries and fears. They just strategically position themselves as the antidote
to the entire malaise of our sisters. Talk about wolves in sheep’s clothing.
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| Prayer will not solve the problem a text message would solve and vice versa. |
Dear Brothers, when you sit with sisters all you talk about
is ‘Rhema’ and rapture. But unbelievers share their burdens and offer them a shoulder
they can cry on. Dear brothers, you text sisters prayer points and bible
references only on the first day of the month. Unbelievers texts them every day
(morning and night) to let them know they are wonderful and special. Dear
brothers, you only call to ask the sisters if they’ll attend a church
programme. Unbelievers call them to ask how their day went and if they are not
too stressed to attend church programmes. Dear Brothers, you say your
consecration does not allow you to sit with sisters. Unbelievers consecrate
their time to hang out with them. Where do you think our sisters would like to
be?
Recently I wrote on my Facebook wall, “Only Christians are
capable of loving the opposite sex as God intends.” Why? They will not be
self-seeking because they would always want each other to remain in the
confines of the will of God. But when brothers fail in their duty to protect
and cherish sisters, their inward needs will drive them into the hands of liars
and pretenders. Our inability to truly demonstrate love to our sisters isn’t
spirituality but religion. We are just experts in doing the contrary of what
the bible says.
My dear children,
let's not just talk about love; let's practice real love. This is the only way
we'll know we're living truly, living in God's reality. 1 John 3:18-19 MSG
You hear brothers say, “I love you sister with the love of
Christ.” Ok I agree brother. But when last have you said something nice to your
sister? Does the love of Christ always complain? Is it that the love of Christ
never motivates or inspire the opposite sex? It never sees something good in a
sister? When last have you been concerned about the financial state of your
sisters? Oh, is it that her own consecration is that she shouldn’t spend money?
Have you gotten any of your sisters gifts or is only on love feast? Oh I get
it, giving sisters gifts means you are seducing them, right? Some brothers can
be so stingy, they’ll rather part with their certificates than their money.
Some brothers cannot talk with the sisters of their local assembly for five
minutes but they can keep malice with them for five years. Is this the love of
Christ?
Where genuine care, concern and sincerity of love is lacking
towards our sisters we cannot claim to love one another as God intends. The
devil had taken advantage of our ignorance long enough. Let us do away with the
traditional mind-set and fear that has held us back. If the cross sex
friendship was bonded by love we wouldn’t have sisters falling prey to the lies
of the devil. I had stomach upset at one time when I heard Christians were
debating if a brother can have a sister as his best friend. I got so angry I
couldn’t utter a word.
Religion is the problem not spirituality. Everyone wants to
be seen as special, significant, cherished; no one wants to be rejected. Let us
affectionately love our own and open up this ministry of watching for the
general wellbeing of our sisters as God intends for his church. If we can be
our sisters keeper and supply the love and care lacking, we would see how
remarkable the power of God’s love prevail over us.
For God did not give
us a spirit of timidity (of cowardice, of craven and cringing and fawning
fear), but [He has given us a spirit] of power and of love and of calm and
well-balanced mind and discipline and self-control. 2 Timothy 1:7 AMPLIED
For God’s sake let us love our sisters from a pure heart!
I need you to survive -Kirk Franklin
I need you
You need me
we're all a part of God's body
Stand with me
Agree with me
We're all a part of God's body
It is His will
That every need be supplied
You are important to me
I need you to survive
I'll pray for you
You'll pray for me
I love you
I need you to survive
I won't harm you
With words from my mouth
I love you
I need you to survive
It is His will
That every need be supplied
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