Rediscovering The Lost Art OF Romance Part III

Romance is neither for dull people ...those who have giving up on learning anything new about their spouse

💢The Craft Of Continually Inspiring Love In Another

Romance shouldn't be the basis for a life commitment with the opposite sex, I believe this argument is valid. But if you'll think on it you will find romance play out at the beginning of courtship and marriage. Proposing is an act of romance. The man anxiously invites a woman into his world by trying to convince her -he sounds emotional almost with a plea. He bows one of his knees demonstrating humility and signifying a pledge to go "low" so she would always find her feet and be honoured.
Where did this concept emanate? It is a semblance of how Rome stood upon her fallen heroes, an adaptation of knight tales in medieval times. Knights would bow a knee to pledge their lives to country and swore an oath to protect, this is the greatest height of honour and bravery any man could attain. Faith in God does not abolish romance from your relationship rather it should amplify it, to say the least Ephesians 5:21-33 tell us about heroism and a pledge to selfless devotion in marriage.

In courtship, demonstrating love is however restrained on the basis of sex and such suggestiveness but in every other way you can colour your feelings. But in marriage there are no restrictions in professing or demonstrating love to your spouse. Romance may not be the reason why we fall in love but it plays an important role in ensuring we keep falling in love. Romance is an unending loop that takes you and your spouse back to the beginning of your ‘Together Story’, But to do this effectively is a craft, meaning it requires skill.

Romance: A Principle of God

The love of God is shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Ghost which is given unto us. (1)

Man ought to love God with all his heart, soul and might but man isn’t able on his own. God gave us His Spirit to inspire our hearts always, filling it with love. Else, how can we love an invisible God who loved us so much without His input?

If you feel loved in your home and in your relationship without your input, it means your spouse is sacrificing more than enough to keep your relationship alive and in love. You need to realise your spouse is not a superhuman before fatigue creeps in. No one can go on for so long without being loved and still have a whole-heart. Your spouse needs you to acknowledge that he/she wants to feel loved as well. Nothing thrives on its own, so is being in love and feeling loved not automatic in any relationship –even weeds do not grow on their own without the input of soil, sun and water. There would be days exhaustion would creep into your relationship, there will be days nothing seem special about your spouse, nothing special to say or see in your partner. Those are the days that necessitate the existence of romance, for it will be the only antidote.

You’ll need to be adventurous and brave to try out new ways of approaching your spouse when you are both dealing with challenges such as work, financial crisis, health etc. A “Romantic” is someone always at war with gloom and moodiness, a professor in the University of Emotions, and a knight who liberates his spouse from villains such as fear, guilt, hurt, anger and frustration, and then restores the mind of the partner to the path of peace and calm, he is always giving a million reasons to his spouse for being in love with him.

Romance is neither for dull people, that is those who have giving up on learning anything new about their spouse, nor is it for the lazy. Romance requires exploring ways to make your home a sanctuary and a shelter, where shutting the front door is not only signifying that your partner is retiring for the day but shutting out a world of worries, frustration and pain.

Romance Tips and Ideas

WOMEN

Set Your Priorities Right

ûYour husband retires home after the day’s work; you open the door and say something like this, “Welcome home love, why didn’t you pick my calls?”

Such comment would create a room for displeasure and stir up a sense of rejection in the man’s heart, that question would define how he reacts to other questions for the rest of the day, although you mean well.

ü Your husband walked in and you gave him a hug and a kiss on the lips, then say, “Welcome home love, I have missed you so much and couldn’t wait till you’re back home, I was so scared when I called and the phone wasn’t answered, please is everything alright? You look so exhausted, come and have a sit first before you say thing.”  Then you move on to help him unknot his tie.

Note: Don’t confront him like a boss demanding an answer, appeal to his desire of having a rest, sympathize with his exhaustion and let your gesture imply you are more worried about his safety than his reply.

Planting Yourself in His Consciousness

ûDon’t call him frequently or at close intervals when he is at work, it can destabilize him. You can avoid lengthy discussion when you place a call to him at work by being concise. Don’t go into lengthy details about things that does not really affect you, him or the children, let pet talks be for bonding purposes at his return, try to filter the information. If he doesn’t return your calls after you called thrice or your text messages don’t run down his battery by persistently calling, you can patiently reaffirm yourself that he is busy or unable to pick his calls at the moment or you can call his colleague and ask after his welfare just to be sure he is safe.

üDeliberately leave a note in your husband's briefcase as you help him prepare for work so he knows he’ll be missed throughout the day when he finally opens his briefcase at work. Drop him inspiring messages on his mobile to cheer him up and strengthen his mind during work, let him know, he is a hero and you really proud of his toil. If you have a sense of humour it is an added advantage, crack a joke and let him know you are thinking of him.

First Approach

ûWhen he is home from work, please don’t fall into the temptation of trying to get details of everything immediately, please don’t do it. He’ll spend the rest of the night with you, there would be time in between to bond. Do not reply him from the kitchen or from the bedroom, when he is back from work, be present at his presence to welcome him.

üBe calm and welcome him in the most amazing way. Wrap your arms around him, that’s a medal because he is your hero. Give him a kiss, that’s a gift for coming home straight from work. Take his briefcase and help him undress, that’s an honour for his hard work. The whole idea is to absolve his mind from the working environment where he had spent greater part of his day and prepare him for a more relaxing and calm atmosphere in the home. Ease his tension before his tension eases you.

                                                                           

Inspire The Mood

ûDo not look unkempt anytime he is around. Don’t leave the room dirty and disorganized. Don’t appear half naked as a result of doing house chores. The house shouldn’t be noisy. Don’t prepare his meals late. Always communicate with him to know when he’ll be home, it will help you prepare ahead.

üBe spruced up, smell nice, tidy the living room and bedroom, let the room mildly smell of fragrance, allow enough ventilation, reduce the volume of the music player or television set, partner with your kids to reduce the noise in the home. Let your bedroom be dimly lit, let the bed be neatly spread; work out the colours of the fabric different from how he left it in the morning. Smile when you walk up to him. You might allow a slow soft music or symphony play in the background.

€MEN

Time

ûDon’t fall into the line of thought that your wife would understand that you were too busy making ends meet so you don’t have the opportunity to communicate with her when you are apart, don’t procrastinate when you remember to get in touch with her, you might forget or get carried away.

üThe most precious gift you can give your wife is your time. You must learn to be time conscious, have a schedule to pause at work and call her. A woman wants to know if they are part of your day, they want to know if you take them for granted, and one of the ways they know is how much you stay in touch with them when you are absent bodily. For a woman money is part of everything, she wants a good life but she wants it along with you and your attention, most men fail to get this point.

Addicted to Details

ûDon’t try to be brief when talking to her. Don’t call asking after the kid(s) before asking about her welfare. Don’t hang up the call without any heartfelt remark and compliment.

üAsk for details, e.g. what did you eat? When did you eat? Where did you eat? Hope you enjoyed the meal? This might look frivolous but inquiring about details make a woman certain you really care about her. A lady shared with me that her spouse is solely responsible for calculating her menstrual cycle, he informs her to prepare few days to the date of the next cycle. She told me bluntly that she doesn’t know about the next cycle but her spouse certainly does. She spoke with so much enthusiasm and blushed discussing that aspect. Women are interesting beings and their makeshift is quite different from men, don’t expect your wife to act like a man, she is not meant to.

Compliments, Care and Concern

 üSay sorry quickly (when you are wrong), I love you (always), I miss you, I have been thinking about you, thanks for the breakfast, I miss your lunch, I miss your smile, and all manner of compliments, it helps her feel loved, it inspires her to commit herself to you more.

üAlways empathize with her emotions and feelings. Don’t shun her or be indifferent about how she feels, don’t leave her to herself even when she doesn’t want to discuss certain issues with you, a woman wants to be sure if you are not just going through the motions or you are willing to do everything possible to hear her out because that is exactly what she’ll do if you were in her shoes. She might feign being in distress, it means she seeks to spend more time with you, please try and be there.

üWhen she is finding it difficult to make up her mind on a dress, shoe or bag, as often is the case, sit with her and help her make a choice, be a hipster on her behalf. Unlike men, women love men to inquire about all aspects of their lives.

Partnership is Intimacy

üA woman wants you to note that the chores at home are not an automatic routine for her. Acknowledge her efforts, perhaps when you are less busy at home or during the weekend join her prepare the meal and watch how she responds to you. Watch her eyes and see how excited she’ll get. Gist together in the kitchen, pass her the chilli and salt and inquire about how her week has been. Kitchen tales are the best, that’s how you ensure your meals get cooked fast without getting burnt (on a lighter note). Someone said, Companionship and communication is as fulfilling as sex, for a woman. Listen to her tales, watch a movie together. Help her take care of her body, e.g. help her with a massage or even her hair.

Gifts, Treats and Sensitivity

üTake your spouse out for a treat and get her gifts. Surprise her with gifts, note her wishes, what she wants but don’t say to you directly, a woman wants to be wowed all the time, surprise is good but don’t tell it till you give it so she doesn’t become anxious. Be the first to notice any changes with/in her. Most importantly, a woman cares about what you say or don’t say, a woman may not be outspoken about her emotional needs, beware when you hear her tell you stories about what the spouse of her female friends do. Take time to study what is going on not only in the home but with her, women are good in masking up their inner struggles by doing house chores and other routines, be on the alert.

Art of Sex

Sex is meant to be pleasurable for both partners, as a man please take this into account.  You are not sexually aroused in the same manner as your wife. A man might see an image or hear some string of words and be sexually aroused but for the woman sex is the output of the sum of all loving memories. If you doubt this, ask your wife she’ll tell you. So, you’ll need more than caresses to prepare her for it. If you had a good rapport with your wife it helps keep her mind alive. It stirs her up to look forward to having sex with you. While the drive for sex can best be described as a hunger in men, for women their sexual drive is a longing for intimate bonding, companionship and a consummation of all her emotions.

Women are not, in the main, turned on by pictures of nudes …Women may be aroused by the pictures of couples coupling-because what they are seeing in context is a relationship in action. Men want sex, women want relationships. Men see body parts and women see relationship …just as boys wanted balloons, toys, and carburettors, the girls have always wanted contact, and communion, and company.(2)

Where romance is alive sex is both natural and instinctive for your wife, verbal inquiry for consent may not be needed. The bombshell is that, adequate preparation and time is required for your wife to be sexually aroused and to enjoy sex. Anything other than that would simply be an act of exploiting her for your own desire, she might not say it out but many women confess they had such thoughts quite often. Sex does not start from the bedroom; it ends there for your wife. Initiate the process from the beginning of the day, most men don’t even know this and as a result, sex solely becomes obligational, lacking pleasure or any form of satisfaction for their wives. This is one of the reasons why reaching orgasm is difficult for most married women and their husbands to know why.

You’ll need knowledge and its application if you would be skilled in the art of romance. Start with little things, after all they matter. Keep loving and being in love.

 (1) Romans 5:5

(2) Brain Sex: The real Difference Between Men and Women written by Annie Moir and David Jessel

I hope to hear your story soon, please get in touch if you are in need of personal counselling.
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