Rediscovering The Lost Art Of Romance Part I

When you make mention of romance it is commonly believed that sex is the drive and its intended end. As a result, you’ll discover marriages especially Christian marriages and courtship become a drag, a bore or both. As such, courtship loses the essence of bonding the intended goal, marriages loses the practicality of loving. Without romance both partner(s) begin to struggle under the stuffy cloud of emptiness and particularly gloominess rather than enjoy the affection and caring love which should be the bedrock of any courtship or marriage relationship that must thrive.
The absence of romance is visible when you don’t have anything edifying to speak about your spouse and when you don’t even have anything to say to each other, the absence of romance is a world were nothing exciting ever happens.

Before I begin to deal with the effects of the lack of romance, let’s talk what romance is and its origin as well.

💢The Etymology of Romance

Romance (n.)

c. 1300,

a story, written or recited, of the adventures of a knight, hero, etc.," often one designed principally for entertainment," from Old French romanz "verse narrative" (Modern French roman), originally an adverb, "in the vernacular language," from Vulgar Latin *romanice scribere "to write in a Romance language" (one developed from Latin instead of Frankish), from Latin Romanicus "of or in the Roman style," from Romanus "Roman". The sense evolution is because medieval vernacular tales usually told chivalric adventures full of marvellous incidents and heroic deeds. Online Etymology Dictionary

Let’s draw some inferences from the above:

¡       Romance is a written or recited story of heroism, knights and adventures

¡       Romance is a motivating theme for entertainment or to spark excitement

¡       The word “Romance” was adopted into English from the Old French word "Romanz" which originally is from the Latin word "Romanicus" meaning "Roman style."

It will then be meaningful for us to note that the Latin’s adoption of the word was personified by the lifestyle of the Romans of the time to understand that we must understand that Rome cannot be torn apart from its conquests. Rome was once a grand empire, a world power whose kingdom stretched even to the heart of North Africa (Egypt). The stories of heroism till death, love for one's country (patriotism) were common tales peddled not only to inspire the citizens of Rome but to instil loyalty till death among the Roman troops upon whose strength Rome prospered and became a city of fame and glory, a city not built in a day. Those roman stories stirred up passion which was harnessed for national commitment and emotions that led men to proudly bleed for Rome’s survival. It became a way of life for the Romans to boast about its army or speak so magnificently of the city’s grandeur in stories, in so much it became noticeable it was referred to as "Romanicus" meaning Roman style which was adopted by Latin as a genre of literature, a way of reciting or telling stories in the most amazing ways. Later down the years "In reference to literary works, often in Middle English meaning ones written in French (romance) also applied to native compositions. Its literary sense extended in 1660s to "a love story." It later suggests a theme of "Adventurous quality" first of such was recorded in 1801; but it later implied that of "love affair" from 1916.”

The meaning of romance was altered to suggest sexual affair by the then culture of 1916 before it became a genre of novel in 1964. So, I will like you to stick with the original meaning of romance before it became a twisted theme.

Extracts of the definition of romance bearing cognisance to its true meaning

Noun

1. [Uncountable] love or the feeling of being in love.

2. [Uncountable] a feeling of excitement and adventure especially connected to a particular place or activity.

3. [Countable] a story of excitement and adventure often set in the past medieval romances.

Verb

1. [Intransitive]   to tell stories that are not true or to describe sth in a way that makes it seem more exciting or interesting than it really is.

©Oxford University Press, 2010

The feeling of being in love, excitement, adventure and a story if we put these altogether I would like to simplify romance into this:

Romance is the art of professing love, the craft of continually inspiring love in your partner and the commitment to practically defend that love in a million ways.

Let us take a cue from that definition and build upon it, this I hope will give insight perhaps to the lost art of romance.

💢The art of professing your love (Body Language)

Let me begin by a rather practical example of a relationship of a father and the child.

We all have a childish side, the childish side, creeps away from the reality of work, the struggles of life. That side desperately hunger to enjoy the company of another person. Kids don't bother with the consequences of the stock market, or how bad the economy is, they want to play, jump and run around in pursuit of butterflies, they kick their worries aside at the sight of a friend. They miss their dad so much they jump on him at first glance when he returns home from work. They go for his bags in search of treats; they pull his legs and have a thousand tales to tell. Ruffled but humble, tired but thoughtful, aching but loving, the father breaks his first smile of the day right in the home he left hurriedly in the morning after one of his kids recounts one of his silly pranks. This is exactly the features of the childlike side of us when we are in the presence of the one we love, it is the only part of us that remains exciting and that can be touched till we die. It craves to demonstrate affection and receive attention in return. Even the vilest of men possess this “soft” side if you may. I do not believe we can demonstrate love without defying reason many times.

Before our spouse, that aspect must be visible, and we must open it up if we would remain approachable to our spouse. It takes that child-Nature to respond to your wife's "I love you” in a packed bus and to laugh and giggle as a response to your husband when you are worried. It is that nature in your wife that makes her to carefully recount the details of her day and also to rest her head on your chest while your eyes are open to watch her sleep. This is the first way we profess love even without using words. It is a sign of interest mixed with care and concern and a fresh commitment to let your partner know you are still there in his/her life. It is not a sign of insecurity (as some people think) it is romance flaming up your environment with the vibes of love but most times we cease that flow either out of impatience, ignorance or because we allow the day’s toil get the better of us. Most men don’t know how to demonstrate love without the use of “I love you” and some don’t know how to respond to their spouse emotions too. So take your time and study how she/he professes love even in the absence of words.

When you get home and you see your spouse take that time, try to take that time to get into that wordless profession of loving each other, it is the rays of sunlight melting down the lumps of worries in your day… mind you it is daily…

Proceed to part II here

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