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| It is when a man understands submission that the little moments of quietness, the uneasy moments of saying, “I am sorry” and the walking away from a nagging wife saves his marriage. |
“Do not try to dictate to me! You are always trying to teach me what to do” the 73 year old man barked at his wife, before me and few others. The woman went quiet all through that night. As that scene played over and again in my heart I observe that we cannot attain to a place in marriage where submission fades. In marriages where submission is shown the front door, the bags of one of the couple would soon follow. Where submission is denied access to thrive, the man tends towards autocracy and the woman becomes manipulative and rebellious. Heated arguments, battery, excessive anger, unforgiveness and ultimately divorce; implies both partners are not submitting to one another. I am not blind to certain people and cultures that have great exaggeration and misconception of submission and its application in marriage. Some men believe submission means they get to do anything that pleases them without accounting to their wives. While some women believe that submission is a sign they are insecure and inferior. Regrettably, both views are out of paranoia and absence of trust.
Understanding Submission
Submission is the action of accepting
or yielding to someone, will or the authority of another. It is the act of
obedience or the acknowledgement of authority. There is a wide gap between submission
and subjection. Submission suggests the willingness to yield to another base on
trust. Subjection is the elimination (through violence or manipulation) of choice
so you can impose your will on another.
Submission is a daily practice in
our lives. We choose to voluntarily yield themselves to other people and their
opinions often. When you take your friend's advice on cosmetics you are
deliberately thrusting yourself at the mercy of your friend’s opinion. When you
check the weather report before you choose an outfit, you momentarily relinquish
the power of choice to the weather forecaster.
Submission in any relationship
enables people to willingly give up their rights/will to another as a response
of trust; this creates room within us to absorb people into our lives and allow
us receive support from others. Marriage is a consolidation of trust. When I
counsel married folks (especially women) I try not to be offensive by asking, “If
you are not willing to trust your spouse, his/her opinions, why did you thrust
your life in his/her hands?” Because that is the ultimate, you lose it, you
ain’t getting that back. Often, people who have trust issues, who feel
insecure, proud and arrogant tend to lose their marriage because they resist
yielding to anyone.
REALISING SUBMISSION AS A WIFE
Over the years, discussing this theme with women of different backgrounds and culture has never been easy either for them to absorb or for me to explain because of the sensitivity involved. I can understand to an extent, some women’s phobia submitting themselves and their affairs to their husband, many times it is as a result of the high level of recklessness seen among this generation of men folks. This is why as a woman you shouldn’t make the decision of a life partner on a whim or out of the frenzy of the moment. However, a woman’s submission to her husband is very important as this will go “Light Years” in determining your safety in your marriage. The Bible offers two premises as the basis of a woman’s submission
§
Design
“[3] Now I want
you to know that Christ is the head over all men, and a man is the head over a
woman. But God is the head over Christ. [7] Men were created to be like God and to bring honor to God. This means
that a man should not wear anything on his head. Women were created to bring
honor to men. [8] It was the woman
who was made from a man, and not the man who was made from a woman. [9] He wasn't created for her. She was created
for him”.
1 Corinthians 11:3, 7-9 CEV
This might sound ridiculous to women
who are seeing this quote for the first time. But be rest assured that God is
interested in saving your marriage (Isaiah 55:8-9). God designed that a woman’s
co-existence was necessitated by the existence of the man. Your husband is in
place of Christ to you, Christ stands in place of God to your husband and God
is at the top chain of authority. As a woman, your submission to Christ is
weighed in your submission to your husband. You are admonished to yield to your
husband “as unto” the Lord because of divine order and design, it is a
hierarchy of authority that flows from heaven down to your home. The Lord
protects and provides for you through your husband, your submission to him
simply ensures he fulfils that. “Wives,
submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the
husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and
he is the saviour of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ,
so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything”. Ephesians
5:22-24KJV
Secularism & feminism try trashing out this
design of God’s order by suggesting there is no such thing as a man being in the
helm of leadership in the home, while expecting great responsibility from the
man. A Leaderless home does not exist much as a “Sailor-Less” ship or a
Pilot-Free airplane (even an auto-pilot craft is under the command of a robot).
It is on the basis of the hierarchy of authority in the home that the woman is
admonished by God to yield herself completely to her husband, you should
recognise the role he plays and never take it for granted. This kind of
submission isn’t autocratic but it is exemplified when a law abiding citizen completely
submits to the constitution out of love and sense of duty to the nation.
§ Emotional Identity
It is a known fact that there is a
fragrance of emotion in all a woman does. God created women so because of the
void they fill in the life of their husband. Almost all decisions made by a
woman are weighed from the prism of their emotions, if a woman’s emotions are
swayed she can be exploited and more often than not selfish men are predators.
However, a woman’s emotion is not a setback, God didn’t make a mistake with the
woman, God being aware she is coming under the protection of her husband who is
less emotionally inclined, made both one, in so that one partner is not
complete without the other.
Mark Kastleman notes the views of scientists and psychologists saying, “The male brain is highly specialized, using specific parts of one hemisphere or the other to accomplish specific tasks. The female brain is more diffused & utilizes significant portions of both hemispheres for a variety of tasks. Men are able to separate information, stimulus, emotions, relations, etc, into separate compartments in their brains (emotional compartmentalization), while women tend to link everything together”. When the wife submits herself & all her affairs to the man, what emotionally blinds her is visible to her husband and he can step in and offer guidance and counsel to her but it invariably implies also that, whatever thrives under the insensitivity of a man can be perceived by the apt emotions of the woman. A woman may desire to cuddle her baby all through the day but the man can side track his feelings for the baby and counsel the woman to allow the baby rest and create time for her to regain strength. God had the woman dearly cherished in His heart when He admonished her to submit in all things to her husband.
The uniqueness between male and female transcends bodily structure as we are otherwise made to believe by the feminist movement. I do not intend to downplay the wonder of a woman’s emotions, and I do not believe that a woman should be addressed as inferior in any culture by any person(s). The absence of a woman create a void in man, such void that no being can fill, not the amusement of chimps, the gliding of birds or the wonder of nature, except by the affection of a woman in so much the Bible records that Isaac was only comforted of his mother's death because Rebecca walked into his world. God wills that your husband takes the place of your confidant and why shouldn’t he, if you made that obligation to spend the rest of your life with him. He should share your pain, burden and act in all capacities of all known relationships to you, if he alone shares the view of your nakedness with you, you shouldn’t be ashamed or afraid to strip down your life before him.
HUSBAND IS LEADERSHIP
§
Submission is mutual
Ephesian 5:21 requires that submission should be mutual in the fear of God. This precedes the verse that requires a woman to commit herself to her husband. Both the husband and the wife should learn to yield to one another as a sign of reverence to God, this is worship! Though the man is the head of the home, it does not necessarily mean that things get done his way all the time, or he wins all arguments, it does not create room for autocracy because we don’t see this in Christ. It also mean the man must as well demonstrate submission, if there are extreme cases where the wife burst out in anger or go violent, the husband is not to counter such excesses by outperforming his wife by a violent display, he could be quiet at that crescendo of emotions and allow that moment to drown out (Matthew 5:38-39). It is when a man understands submission that the little moments of quietness, the uneasy moments of saying, “I am sorry” and the walking away from a nagging wife saves his marriage, this is what many call compromise in marriage.
§ An honour of inconvenience
God’s kind of husband leadership is
the reverse of what some men folk suggest to their wife when they say, “Don’t
you know I am the head of this home”. The husband is the glory (express image)
of Christ to his wife (1Corinthians 11:3). The husband acts in the capacity of
Christ towards his wife. Christ wills we lack nothing, the man must therefore
provide for his wife. Christ wills we rejoice always, the man must seek the joy
of his wife always. He cannot eat when she starves, he cannot live in luxury
while she suffers, he cannot be honoured and she is held in dishonour either by
his family or anyone.
Technically, God loves your wife so
much he made you oversee her affairs. Her submission is to enable your
efficient performance of “Bodyguard” duty towards her. She is the immediate benefactor
of her submission to you. A man should not desire leading his home while he excuses
his responsibilities. You should love your wife, she should lack nothing and
she should not suffer despite her flaws. And if ever her life is in jeopardy,
you should lay down your life for hers. In the long run the husband’s safety is
guaranteed if his wife is protected (cherish) and provided for (nourish). A
woman’s emotion is likened to a well, you get the exact quantity of emotions/care/affection
proportional to the container you dipped in and the time you invested in
fetching. Please note, if you do not love your wife and her safety is not your
pursuit the essence of your headship and her submission to you is lost. The
husband draws his inspiration in marriage by fixing his eyes on Jesus, His love
towards the Church.
“[25] Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; [28] So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. [29] For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church: Ephesians 5:25, 28-29 KJV
There is a design for marriage as we observe one exist for nature, without order and design we skate off the iceberg towards chaos. The path to submission is not as easy as these words may appear, but it is a restraining therapy God placed upon us to curb our excesses. Without submission a little argument can lead to violence and intolerance, maybe you are experiencing that right now with your spouse. Remember it is not who is wrong, but who is willing to make things right. Don’t give up on one of the most important decisions of your life, save your home; it’s where you’ll ever feel complete. Be assured that neither God nor submission is your enemy in marriage, our ego, selfish motive and insecurities are.
Please, kindly write me if you need listening ears and counselling, I covet your comment.
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